Dear Mommy,

As many people have told you over the last few months, your life is not your own once you have children. So, please wait until I am finished nursing to eat your roast beef sandwich. I really don't appreciate you licking the barbecue sauce off of my forehead and thigh. Yea, yea, I know you promised me that I would get a taste of it tomorrow but can't you wait until AFTER I am finished with the boob.

Sincerely,

Wangari

P.S. Please change my Onesie, the barbecue sauce stain isn't cute.